Like many of you, I grew up not really understanding the true meaning of Memorial Day. I wouldn't fault my parents, more society and what the holiday has come to mean to the average American. With many Veterans in my extended and immediate family, we were taught to respect the military--even before I married an active duty soldier. I, personally, have always gotten very emotional at the thought of someone losing his or her loved one in defense of our nation. This being said, I can honestly say that I had no clue that Memorial Day was strictly reserved for honoring those who had fallen in the line of duty. I thought it was a day to honor all those who had passed from this life. Even with that misconception, I am embarrassed to say that Memorial Day usually meant a day for a BBQ, as BBQ's are a pretty big deal in my family, we know how to BBQ pretty darn well.
Things tend to take on a different meaning when they become more personal. My first step towards a more respectful Memorial Day came when I got to visit ground zero, not even a year after the twin tours had fallen. The love and support sent to those who had lost their lives is unspeakable. As we walked through the wreckage and platforms that had been built and looked over the big empty hole that was so out of place, not one person spoke a word. As strangers, we would meet eyes and exchange a look of complete remorse. There was not one dry eye as we walked away with a new sense of feeling of what it really means to be American. I lived in New York a few years later, and those who had experienced the reality of 9/11 have not forgotten.
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| Ground Zero |
Another step came when I had the opportunity to visit the Normandy Beaches in Northern France when I lived there. The videos and memorials made me sob like a baby. The courage and valor of the men from WWII astound me. The families they left behind were just as strong. Visiting those graves was extremely humbling. The respect the French people had for these Americans who fought for their freedom made me start to wonder if perhaps America could learn a thing or two about honor and respect.
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| Normandy Beaches Cemetery |
My last step was when I met my husband's family for the first time. We had decided that we would visit his family over Memorial Day weekend for a few reasons. First, he had time off of school and I had time off of work, and second, his entire family gathered in remembrance of their father/husband/grandfather who had passed away over 10 years ago. I watched in reverent silence as we went to the grave site of his father. Each child paid their respects, the grandchildren were told stories and were taught to observe their grandfather's memory. Some tears were shed, but mainly laughter as memories were shared. I watched as a tragic event pulled this family closer and closer each year. I came to truly understand the benefits of what really honoring someone who has died can be to the living.
This brings us to present day. I am sure your news feeds on Facebook, like mine, have been flooded with pictures and quotes of what Memorial Day is really about. It has made me stop and reflect on what the day means to me. Instead of just posting a quote, I wanted to really understand what it means to observe Memorial Day. I asked my husband if he knew the history of Memorial Day. He said he had recently read an article about a small little town who claimed to have started it all. That got me thinking and I did my own research, online, of course. I stumbled upon this website which some of you may have already found. The history is pretty detailed and seems to be pretty legit. The website talks about how many cities claim to have started this tradition. Other documentation states that women's groups can take the credit because they started the practice of decorating the graves of those who had fallen during the Civil War. Memorial Day originally was May 5 but was then changed in 1868 to May 30, with New York being the first state to officially recognize it as a holiday in 1873. By 1890 all of the northern states recognized it as a state holiday. The southern states still chose to honor their dead on another day. It wasn't until after World War I that Memorial Day was a time to remember all those who had died in the line of duty, not just those who had died in the civil war.
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| Civil War |
Today almost all states recognize Memorial Day on the last Monday in May in compliance with the National Holiday Act of 1971 which ensures a three-day weekend for all federal Holidays. Some people believe that this is part of the disintegration of what has now become a holiday of "the start of summer". To quote the VWF (Veterans of Foreign Wars), "Changing the date merely to create three-day weekends has undermined the very meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed greatly to the general public's nonchalant observance of Memorial Day." There are some who believe strongly the date the should be changed back to May 30, no matter what day it lands on.
After reading and researching so much about Memorial Day, I have now pledged to treat each Memorial Day with the proper observance that it deserves. I do not have a problem with get-togethers and BBQ's. As I mentioned with my husband's family, I found that the very act of a family BBQ and visiting their loved one's grave was very moving and respectful. However, not everyone has someone specific to remember. In that case I suggest the following things, also taken from the same website.
- Visiting cemeteries and placing flags/flowers or other respectful items by fallen soldiers graves.
- Visiting Memorials ( I personally think Ground Zero would be very appropriate)
- Flying the U.S. Flag half-staff until noon
- Flying the 'POW/MIA Flag' as well (Section 1082 of the 1998 Defense Authorization Act)
- Participating in a "National Moment of Remembrance": at 3 p.m. to pause and think upon the true meaning of the day, and for Taps to be played.
- Renewing a pledge to aid the widows, widowers, and orphans of our fallen dead and to aid the disabled veterans.
- Correctly teach our children and family members what the holiday represents and how to properly observe it.
- Another fun tradition might be doing some of the things they did in the past. At one point, according the same website, women used to wear red poppies in response to Moina Michael's poem:
"We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies." - Create a family tradition that you can reasonably continue each year. Even if it just is a family BBQ, while pausing at 3p.m. to think about those that have given the ultimate sacrifice.
- Read stories of those who have lost someone. They can be very touching and uplifting, such as this one
- But most importantly, BE AWARE, not just of your own situation, but those around you. You might find someone who is having to spend Memorial Day alone, and it may be one of the worst days of the year for them.
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| 2012 |
