when life becomes real......

I have been an Army wife officially for a few years now, but only active duty for a year. For the most part I haven't really felt any major impact. Life is just life and you deal with each day as you would--no matter what your husband did.  However over the past few weeks a few things have happened and my prospective started to change.

I read a blog post located here: http://jennpineo.wordpress.com/2012/04/28/letter-from-a-military-wife/
In this blog post she speaks about the sacrifices and situations that we, as military spouses, go through.  I must admit, most of the things she mentioned didn't even cross my mind. I never thought of all the sacrifices we give. That is, until recently.

Here is the thing, most of you know that my husband is here at Fort Rucker training to be a helicopter pilot. We have loved our time here so far and my hubby's reaction to flight school is usually " I get paid to fly helicopters...how cool is that?!"

Well the other day he had to do a precautionary landing in someone's backyard durning one of his training flights. While the story is pretty comical (I mean, imagine what your face would look like if you found a helicopter in your backyard) and a precautionary landing is so much different than having to do an emergency landing (it's really not dangerous or alarming at all), I suddenly became aware of the very realistic dangers of my husband's job. I'm not talking about being a pilot, but a solider. I realized that this will not be the last time when my husband has to do something unplanned and more than likely, much more dangerous. I am so grateful, just as I was that day, that he has the training and the knowledge to handle the situations that he might come across.

Another thing that has made me realize the sacrifices given by military families is that we recently found out that I am pregnant. This is our first child and we are very excited. Things haven't been easy, as I have been very very sick. I feel best when I'm lying down...but even then I don't feel great.  My husband has been there for me in every way he can, and I just feel so incredibly blessed to have such an attentive, sweet husband. However his schedule must always come first and some days I see him a total of a few hours.

That being said, I think I could deal with that. In fact I have been. I didn't really think about having to sacrifice until it was time for our first ultra-sound. Maybe to some of you, this wasn't a big deal. But to us, hearing our first baby's heartbeat for the first time was priceless. It is something you don't get a second chance of.  Because of my husband's training, he wasn't able to come to that appointment. Again, the Army came first.

I didn't realize that I felt so strongly about it until I was on my way to the hospital alone. When I mentioned my anxiety to a friend, she offered to go with me.  I was so grateful for her thoughtfulness.  Although I am so super excited to be pregnant,  it's all so new and a little overwhelming. Having my husband is what helps me get through it. When he wasn't there, I felt so alone--my family across the country. I am not looking for a pity party, I'm just understanding my situation under a new light. It was hard to be sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office without him. While it was hard for me, it was even harder knowing it was difficult for my husband. It was just as difficult for him as it was for me. It was such a bittersweet moment looking at our baby for the first time without my husband. How is that fair?

This makes me think about the future. I knew when I signed up that there would be several tender moments that my husband might miss, but it never really settles until that moment hits you for the first time. Last year my husband almost missed our very first anniversary. He left for SERE training the next morning at 4:00am. We spent our anniversary making sure he was packed and had everything he needed.   This year I wonder what will happen around the birth of our first child. It's possible he'll be done with training, and under normal circumstances we'd be moving on to our next duty station. However, I'll be VERY pregnant--will I be able to travel? Will the Army make my sweet husband move on without me? Will he miss the birth of our sweet baby?

While most people attempt to calm my anxiety, I can't help but think that there are more births, Christmas', anniversaries missed than the Army makes exception for.  Even in my own family, my brother was deployed during the birth of his third child. I remember thinking " oh that must be so hard".

I had no idea.

Here it was in my OWN family, and I had no idea how to identify with my sister-in-law. I remember speaking to her not to long after I got married saying, " I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. I am so sorry I was not there to support you." I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was somewhat to the effect of she just got through it--because that's what you do.

Let me mention again, this is not a pity party. This is not a post to make people feel sorry for me or for other military spouses to say "I've been through worse". And I'm not looking for advice or comfort. I'm sure as heck not looking to hear the words I have come to despise...." Better get used to it", because I won't. I won't ever get used to my husband not being there at events, holidays, anniversaries and birthdays that I know he wants to be at even more desperately than I want him there.

No, this post was just a new reflection on life.  It was just some things that I hadn't realized before, even  if I knew there would be possibilities.

While absolutely nothing has changed in my every day life, I feel I have a new deeper understanding.  I have learned that when things are tough, that is when we learn to depend on each other...the military spouse. Why?

Because we understand. Because we've been there.

My friend who went with me to the hospital, her husband is deployed. She has every right to ask me for support and help--yet there she was offering to be there for me. Another friend of mine who was 8 1/2 months pregnant, with 3 small children just moved to Fort Rucker--her husband gone for a few months, asked for our help to move a couch. Although I was very sick, with my own pregnancy, and I barely get to see my husband as it is, we said "yes".  Another friend took time out of her life to babysit for another wife, so she could get some other things done because her husband was also gone.

If we can't depend on each other in our military life, who can we go to? While our family often wants to be there for us, they are often too far away or don't understand what we are going through.

Each woman in my examples above had every reason to say "no". What makes the Military family so unique is that we all said "yes".  While my new found realizations don't make life any easier, it is comforting to know that I have such amazing woman to lean on.